no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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