I'm drive I can fine osifer
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
