is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
