Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
