dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
