im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
