Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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