were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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