Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
