But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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