im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
