ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
