Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
