I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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