We're facebook friends in real life
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
