Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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