i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
