You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
