Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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