You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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