just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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