She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
