oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
