I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
