Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
