Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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