Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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