Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
