this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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