I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
