i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
