I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
