My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
