I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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