I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bring me that man meat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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