and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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