he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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