I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
