I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
