If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
