So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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