At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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