I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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