Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
