i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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