oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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