If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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