period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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