we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
