I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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