Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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