How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize