My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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