That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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