Welp...herpes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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