he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
