I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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