I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
