Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
