why didn't you poke me back
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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