There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
