I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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