After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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