Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
