After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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