...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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