its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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