I heard we made out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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