I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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