it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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