i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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