my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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