Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I forget how to act sober
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